lesson learned

Attempt # 1: Asked him out to dinner
Yep, I got a so-so answer. Let's keep in touch within the week. Let's see what our sched permits. Nothing concrete. Nothing worth getting excited over. I deserved that.
I had thrown so many acidic words his way. The least tha tI could do is to be more understanding of his lack of interest. Dinner came. It was good. Just like before.
These are probably the things that time cannot dilute. the great chemistry that we have.
Attempt # 2: Aked him out to dinner (again)
This time, the answer was bound to drive away the weak of heart, the undecided.
No. he i did not give me any encouragements, nor he drove me away.
still, I deserved that.
But when the "day" came, i did not push the issue. I didn't want him to feel that I'm on the prowl. I want it so much, but if he's decided to not have me in his life, i'd let him be.
He called. He tried to make me leave my companions. He retreated and joined us instead.
He stayed. He was working, he looked tired, he looked restless. But, he stayed.
By the end of the night, I could sense the war going on inside his brain. i just couldn't pick out on what about exactly. He drove me to the parking lot. He asked if we can still stay. He waited.
And that was probably the high point of my life in a month....
Haven't been so glad hearing that he ACTUALLY still wants to be with me.
After everything.... all the dark days that I have lived through.
He explained his side, and I know too well that he was right.
I am a certified NUTCASE.
I made his life a living hell, with all my mood swings and bp moments.
He may look like he doesn't care, but it is not true....

Now, things have been reversed. He used to be the one to think of things and times where and when we'll hang out. Now, i can feel the hesitation on his part. He most probably is wary of giving me access in his life once again. I had the chance and i sort of blew it. I'd ask him a question yet I'd rather believe the malicious voices in my head.

I need some serious help. Badly.
I dont want to lose this chance again.
with or without encouragement, he cant get rid of me easily this time around....