a ghost in the coffeeshop

Dont get me wrong...
i'm over him. a long. time. ago.

i felt hurt, so many times over and over with this person.
and probably in one of the corners of my sick mind, i am able to look past that.
and see the other side of our history.

how we pretty much have the same wavelength
laugh at the same jokes
like the same stuff
and for a little while back there, we thought we found the real thing.

but then, i have to look at the past squarely in the face
and not through honey-glazed stares
it wasn't good, heck, it wasn't fair.
yes, it was probably not intentional, but still this heart of mine did suffer a couple of bruises. and cuts.

it has healed obviously.
and got to be in a better condition than how he left it.

and i think, because of that, i am able to look at him in the eye without bitterness
without hate
without wishing him ill fate

bad things had to happen
hurt had to take place

i am who i have chosen myself to be right now.
i have found so many new treasures mainly because of how i have meta morphed into the new me

his part in my life is over. my life is not.

post penang

i have to try
to learn to be happy again...

a year ago, i started this journey
and i would like to believe that I succeeded.
with flying colors.
until I met you.

i have to try
to walk with my own two feet again
and it makes me cringe at the thought
that i feel dismembered
after such a brief encounter

a week ago, i started to think that maybe
i can find it in my heart
to be less afraid
to be less guarded
to be less analytical

i have to try
to be brave
to face whatever might come out of this
too old to hide under the sheets
if it's not worth getting an upset stomach over
it's not worth it, right?

this should've been a happy day.
two words. SHOULD. HAVE.

but it's not.
turns out, the one thing that's making me happy is turned inside out by another person.
meaning my MOM.