too painful

The last time that i walked out of his house was wednesday. It is a saturday today. I can barely imagine how i managed to live through the succeeding days of my life. How i managed to get home, how i ws able to pull off a presentation, how i was even able to finish and focus on two movies.
The steady ache that i feel is just much too painful for me to bear.
All the memories that we had are playing on repeat through my head.
But this time, i know that for him, it dont mean anything.
I had stayed that long in his life because i allowed myself to accept that kind of stupid arrangement. I thought i had just been my imagination wreaking havoc on my sanity. But my intution was right. I never meant anything to him. It was all a case of what was most convenient for him. And it hurts like hell to realize that.
I was never gonna be good enough for him. I was nver a part of his life. Just an accessory to a machine. It would function with or without the accessory. Not important.

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