the farthest that i have come

three decades of existing and i did not see this coming...
up to the last minute, i didn't know that i had what it takes to finally get my ass off and make that turn off onto that dark, dark alley...

sometimes, it seems like a curse to have been born to be too much of a cerebral-over-analyzing-too-logical-for-my-own-good kind of girl...
a blessing for not being easily carried away by my forever-shifting emotions...

only a person like myself would need a weekend's worth of thinking and evaluating a situation that would have been as easy as 1-2-3 for everybody... but no, not me...
well, at least something good came out of it. when i finally decided i wanted to have it, i was so sure of my decision. i can never blame it on emotions or even hormones.

this was well thought of...
no regrets.
just that stupid looking smile on my face
and that far-off look in my eyes...

despite the distance that i have gone,
the effort that i have put up,
i never really heard the whole story.

just a glimpse of his life, of his emotions, of himself...
that will have to suffice for now...