i talked to a close friend of mine last night, quite a lengthy conversation, i must say. well, as expected, he was scolding me for all the stupidity that i have been doing. coaching me on how to best remedy my avoidable circumstance.
he said i have every- mind the word- right to demand my place in this world in his life. just the thought of actually broaching this subject with him makes me weaker than an invalid. i don't think i can even start a conversation that would thread on this subject... i know that i should have done this a long, long time ago.... or that i shouldn't have done what i did if i was too pea-brained and chicken to open up this topic with him..
everybody talks about it as if its the most natural thing in the world for me to do. what a catastrophe! putting together two "assuming" shy people who doesn't know how to eloquently phrase their feelings and stand point in this absurd arrangement...
what my friend advised me was immediately out to the test this morning, when spent some time with him, officially. yes, it was no different form high school. still that stiff, tight-lipped girl taking my refuge at flippancy and arrogance. it can still work its magic at deluding people- even him- from how chaotic im feeling inside,but my predicament remains unsolved and untangled.
this entry is probably or less jumbled than my mind right now. no words would probably suffice...
don't expect an intro, a body and a closing thought from this one, because there won't be any. this is plainly the ramblings a very, very lost individual just tapping away at the keyboard...
