Can you possibly cut off your right arm? an ancient love letter dated01.11.14

I guess this is it. I've been dreading this

day for months. Bec in the back of my mind, i kinda knew that you'd rather hurt me than her. I blame nobody. 

Thank you for being with me last year. I think you were handpicked for me. And He couldn't have chosen a better person to get me out of that hole. But then, being with you in this situation is like coming out of one and going in another. 

I love you. Please dont ever doubt that. I fought for you, for us. Last nov, i couldn't even imagine how i'd get through the holidays. That was one of lowest points in my life. I got scarred with what I had to  endure. And I did that for us. But i just cant go through that again. Sana maintindihan mo. 

Saying goodbye to you is so hard. It still brings me physical pain. If it were up to me, I would still wait for you to fix your life until next month. But you don't want that. So i have no choice but to accept our fate. 

I hope i see the day where i wont have to cry myself to sleep. And stop becoming catatonic. And start picking up my life again. 

I shouldn't have loved you this much in the first place bec you belong to someone else. But no regrets. 

I never called anybody Mahal, until you...

Take care of yourself. And her. 

I love you  

prelude to goodbye....

something he said last friday stayed with me for the rest of the evening... an underlying messsage that could never be mistaken for anything else but... goodbye..
i guess, i subconsciously knew this was going to happen... was positive that this was going to happen. it was almost imposible that someone that intelligent can actully commit to doing something as stupid as what i had been hoping for... hahaha
no one can blame me for wishful thinking.. but then again, these are just the kind of thoughts swirling and playing around my head for the longest time.
i guess, i always knew that in situations like this, he'd always be the sensible one. definitely not me.
so, this is the part where i finally start loosening my grip on my favorite teddy bear... something i had held on for so long that wasn't even mine in the first place.
at least, i can say goodbye to him at my own pace..
slowly, please...