been a long, long time

i want to write this down.
so that i will not forget. so that when the right time comes, i'll know the right thing to do.

i saw his efforts, before.. the everyday texts, chat, pangungulit.
the movie dates and more...
i thought that that could have been the start of something different. but then again, i thought wrong...

after giving in to what he wanted, the so-called long deserved massage session and relaxation... he vanished into nothingness. as if i had just imagined the whole thing.
imagined the whole evening, beginning from the pick-up point,
to the spa, before the old spaghetti place, to the banchetto, until the drop-off point...
it did left me staring in space long after that.
leaving me wondering, and deflated.

yes, i do not have all the answers, but then again i know somehow what i got myself into.
I got PLAYED. yep, he was one big time playa.
Up to the very last moment of 2009, i was making myself believe the best of him.
once and again, my undesirable trait of having too much faith in people got the best of me.
once again, disappointment served on a silver platter.

given the chance to turn back the hands of time, i wouldn't even think twice on reverting my actions. nope. every second was worth it. some moments give me reasons to smile. some moments give me my lessons in life. no time wasted.

at least now, i know now..
i know better
just a matter of making the right choices from here on...
no more looking back.
no more rationalizing.
no more excuses.

good things look good at angle. period.

one step at a time by jordin sparks

"it's gonna happen when it's supposed to happen..."
i think that if there's ultimately one thing in this world that i have been taught so much of, that is learning to wait....
nothing good can ever come from something that was forced or prematurely acquired... it doesn't matter if were talking about your favorite dish, your newest masterpiece or your partner's feelings... everything must be made with care and all in good time...
no reason is great enough to rush something as important as life..
sometimes, i forget.. i commit the unforgivable deed of forcing what i want... and in the end, I am the one shaking my head in dismay, either from embarassment, guilt or more often than not, hurt..
we are the ones who get hurt the most when we force ourselves on things that are not supposed to be ours at that particular point in time.. we get hurt by disappointment, usually....
if you think waiting sucks, wait till you fall flat on your face with embarassment when your claiming something you can't have but what you thought was yours all along.
waiting should also walk hand in hand with a good attitude...
wait-ers who tap their foot on the floor and watch the time of the clock tick by, get more frustrated by the minute..
there are still so many things that can keep you happy while your waiting. it is not as if your life is hinged on that particular event...
i see a lot of my friends, hoping with weary eyes, just waiting for one event that they think can make them happy...
but no matter how much i talk about patience, they will not learn how to wait until they have been taught by LIFE itself... i just wish there were more things that i can do to lessen their sadness...