i think im actually getting the hang of this...
putting a safe (?) distance from the edge of the cliff.
although i know too well, that i can't keep on doing this for long.
im not built this way, and i also wouldn't want to think that i have grown into a completely cold-hearted b*t@h...
i still feel the stirrings of the human emotions tugging at my heart,
hinting it to open wider and become less rigid..
right now, everything seems to be constantly turning and changing colors..
muted, vivid, colorful, sunny, dull and gray... all morphing seamlessly into one ever evolving picture....
i know that things are as fragile as a tiny porcelain tea cup right now..
the succeeding scenes all hinge on everything you say and do..
wanted to hear so much more, wanted to verify, wanted to seek out answers from him...
and yet the fear when i would finally hear all them is so overwhelming...
it may possibly be pleasant to the ears, yet the odds are that it won't.
that is the sole reason why i chose to stay in the shadows up to now...
consciously making that choice to be in limbo indefinitely..
holding my breath longer than i should have..
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